Me and Peet
"I've come to a decision...Peet's is my new favorite spot."
Saying this, somehow, I felt like I was expressing one of those first-day-of-the-rest-of-my-life moments, but Jess just looked at me like, "Well, good for you, I think. I don't get it, but good for you."
With that one statement, what I was really trying to say was, "I love you and your desire to be a pseudo-hippie, but I need more calm in my life than your crazy coffee shop can provide. I need more peace than all the junior highers that hang out there could possibly possess. And, most of all, I need to feel myself think--even though nothing deep will reverberate back. In fact, I know nothing I think or write is particularly brilliant, and I'm willing to recognize that, even shout it from the rooftops with open arms lifted to the sky if necessary. Nevertheless, I'm apologizing for the fact that I think I know a little bit more of who I am today, and that person doesn't care for trashy couches, marijuana smoke, and people who sneeze and don't wash their hands. And I know that's not the person you think you know, so I'm sorry. Not that there aren't a million other things about me that won't change, but as much as I like places where everybody knows your name, I like establishments with a little order better. Does that make me a terrible person? Judgmental? Flaky, even? Anyway, thanks for listening, and I hope this doesn't change our relationship too much because I genuinely enjoy your company."
Why she needed to know any of that is still beyond my comprehension. We both knew that it didn't matter where I bought my coffee, why I cared to change venues, or whether there was fault to place, but I needed closure. Coffee closure.
I suppose this was all part of my new life mantra--Conquer the "I can'ts." You hear these little anecdotes about people who cut the word "can't" out of their dictionary or refuse to allow their children to say it. Well I don't utter the word much but I think it all the time. And it's the minuscule ideas that get shot down first.
Just like when I used to play Oregon Trails and the rabbits were easier for me to kill than the buffalo. I was the fourth grade class rabbit-hunting hero, but that's all I was good for. Nowadays my buffaloes are grandiose hopes like attending seminary and organizing a prayer sanctuary, while my rabbits are baby's breaths of dreams like sewing a T-shirt and finishing song lyrics.
When did this shift happen? The shift from knowing I was good at some things but still willing to conquer the world to reminding myself that I am only good at what I know. I'm only 23, for Peet's sake! That's right, Peet, you're going to have to live with me now too because I'm leaving the "I can'ts" behind--all the way down to my coffee shop preferences, whether you like it or not. So there!
Saying this, somehow, I felt like I was expressing one of those first-day-of-the-rest-of-my-life moments, but Jess just looked at me like, "Well, good for you, I think. I don't get it, but good for you."
With that one statement, what I was really trying to say was, "I love you and your desire to be a pseudo-hippie, but I need more calm in my life than your crazy coffee shop can provide. I need more peace than all the junior highers that hang out there could possibly possess. And, most of all, I need to feel myself think--even though nothing deep will reverberate back. In fact, I know nothing I think or write is particularly brilliant, and I'm willing to recognize that, even shout it from the rooftops with open arms lifted to the sky if necessary. Nevertheless, I'm apologizing for the fact that I think I know a little bit more of who I am today, and that person doesn't care for trashy couches, marijuana smoke, and people who sneeze and don't wash their hands. And I know that's not the person you think you know, so I'm sorry. Not that there aren't a million other things about me that won't change, but as much as I like places where everybody knows your name, I like establishments with a little order better. Does that make me a terrible person? Judgmental? Flaky, even? Anyway, thanks for listening, and I hope this doesn't change our relationship too much because I genuinely enjoy your company."
Why she needed to know any of that is still beyond my comprehension. We both knew that it didn't matter where I bought my coffee, why I cared to change venues, or whether there was fault to place, but I needed closure. Coffee closure.
I suppose this was all part of my new life mantra--Conquer the "I can'ts." You hear these little anecdotes about people who cut the word "can't" out of their dictionary or refuse to allow their children to say it. Well I don't utter the word much but I think it all the time. And it's the minuscule ideas that get shot down first.
Just like when I used to play Oregon Trails and the rabbits were easier for me to kill than the buffalo. I was the fourth grade class rabbit-hunting hero, but that's all I was good for. Nowadays my buffaloes are grandiose hopes like attending seminary and organizing a prayer sanctuary, while my rabbits are baby's breaths of dreams like sewing a T-shirt and finishing song lyrics.
When did this shift happen? The shift from knowing I was good at some things but still willing to conquer the world to reminding myself that I am only good at what I know. I'm only 23, for Peet's sake! That's right, Peet, you're going to have to live with me now too because I'm leaving the "I can'ts" behind--all the way down to my coffee shop preferences, whether you like it or not. So there!
Labels: Conquering the "I Can'ts"
posted by Mel at
10:41 AM
2 Comments:
I love the peets on lake...the little patio outside...so great. :)
By
Christina A., at 05 June, 2008 10:23
Mel, I think you're brilliant and if that brilliant mind and body of yours need to rest and ponder in a place more like Petes and less like Bean Town you have my full and complete blessing! If you find a place that helps those creative juices flow more freely that's where I want you to be! Even if it's STA892508798405924857pqoihq98yh42;n or whatever that place is :)
By
jlynnowetu, at 23 June, 2008 14:36
Post a Comment
<< Home